Choosing Yourself

I have spent so much of my life waiting to be chosen—waiting to be seen, validated, loved, or saved by someone else. But true peace started the moment I realized that the person I’ve been waiting for… is me.

To choose yourself means deciding—again and again—that your peace, your joy, your healing, your voice, and your worth are non-negotiable. It’s no longer about proving, performing, or people-pleasing. It’s about remembering that you are already whole. You are already enough.

Ways to be intentional and choose yourself:

1.) You Stop Abandoning Yourself for Love

You begin to notice the ways you’ve been shrinking to fit into spaces that don’t deserve you.

You stop dimming your light to make others more comfortable.

You stop betraying your needs just to keep people around.

You no longer settle for temporary belonging at the cost of your authentic self.

Dr. Thema Bryant, psychologist and author of Homecoming (2022), calls this “returning to yourself”—choosing wholeness over abandonment, even when it’s uncomfortable.

2.) You Listen to Your Intuition—Even When It’s Hard

You trust the quiet voice that says, “This doesn’t feel right,” even when you don’t have all the answers.

You honor the inner knowing that tells you when to stay and when to walk away.

You learn to trust that leaving what hurts isn’t failure—it’s self-respect.

As Brené Brown reminds us in The Gifts of Imperfection (2

010), “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”

3.) You Give Yourself the Love You Used to Beg For (This one is the most difficult.)

You stop waiting for permission to rest, to heal, to be proud of yourself.

You learn to speak to yourself with kindness, not criticism.

You celebrate your wins, big or small, you hold space for your pain, and affirm your beauty inside and out.

Psychologist Kristin Neff, pioneer in self-compassion research, states that “Self-compassion provides an island of calm, a refuge from the stormy seas of endless self-judgment” (Neff, 2011).

4.) You Set Boundaries from Love—Not Fear

You say no without guilt.

You say yes to what nourishes your soul—not your ego.

You stop confusing being needed with being valued.

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away. It’s about making room for what feels safe, honoring, and aligned. Boundaries are an act of love, not punishment (Cloud & Townsend, 1992).

I want you to sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself this?

What does choosing myself look like? What fears do I have choosing myself?

Write freely. Be honest. Maybe choosing yourself means letting go of a relationship, speaking up more, resting without guilt, or no longer over giving.

Then ask: Is the cost of not choosing myself greater than the fear of doing it?

Choosing yourself is a daily practice. It is a commitment in how you show up for you.

It is realizing that you are enough all on your own. So today, come home to your own heart.

Come home to yourself.

Because you are the one you’ve been waiting for all along.

Citations:

• Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
  
  

• Bryant, T. (2022). Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self. TarcherPerigee.
  
  

• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No. Zondervan.
  
  

• Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.