Stop Trying to Fix What You Didn’t Break

By Issa Rebirth Coaching

There’s a quiet kind of pain that comes from trying to heal someone who doesn’t want to be healed. From loving someone so deeply that you believe your love can patch their wounds, silence their demons, and rewrite their story. But here’s the truth:

You can’t fix what you didn’t break—and you shouldn’t lose yourself trying.

Too many of us carry the silent belief that love means saving. That if we love them harder, support them deeper, or give more of ourselves, they’ll finally change. We become emotional contortionists, bending over backward to meet their unmet needs—while our own go unspoken.

Where This Pattern Begins

This urge to fix often begins in childhood. If you were raised in an environment where you felt responsible for the emotional state of others—especially a parent—you may have learned that your value lies in how much you can do for others.

Dr. Nicole LePera explains in How to Do the Work:

In relationships, this dynamic is emotionally exhausting. It keeps us stuck in cycles of over-giving and under-receiving, of hoping they’ll change if we just prove our worth.

You Are Not Their Healer

Let’s be clear: love is not about fixing. Healthy relationships involve mutual healing, personal responsibility, and respect for one another’s emotional capacity.

Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab reminds us in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace:

And yet, how often do we do just that? Dimming our light, suppressing our voice, and betraying our needs just to feel loved?

The Hard Truth

• You didn’t cause their trauma.

• You didn’t create their emotional walls.

• You didn’t make them unavailable or inconsistent.

So STOP believing it’s your job to heal it.

Your job is to honor your own healing. To stop bleeding for people who wouldn’t even offer you a Band-Aid. To stop mistaking self-sacrifice for intimacy.

Journal Prompts for the Week

Use these questions to reflect on your relationship patterns:

1. In what ways have I tried to fix or heal someone else in a relationship?

2. What did I hope would happen if they finally “changed”?

3. What part of me believes love must be earned?

4. What would it look like to give that same love and effort to myself?

5. How can I set a boundary without guilt this week?

Affirmation

“I release the responsibility of healing what I didn’t break. I choose peace, wholeness, and love that honors my soul.”